I work on-call for a mental health agency in the big city, and have been working night shift sporadically ever since I returned post leg break. Work will be changing in the next two weeks as we move location and method of service delivery.  I am thankful for the job, but am concerned about so much change right before the baby gets here.  I have also been hired on two days a week as a therapist at another mental health agency in t-town, and will begin training for that on the 25th. It will be nice to have set hours, but again, stressful amidst the pending delivery Luckily both of my employers are aware of the baby and intend to give me time off when he comes, though it’s without pay, so I won’t be able to go more than a few weeks-maybe a month.  At least it’s not full time. 

Just yesterday I noticed that I can see movement through my belly when the baby moves.  I find this very exciting and have caught myself spending minutes staring at my midsection waiting for another bump.  I have resolved to try not to do this in very public places.

On another topic, I left work a little early the other night as I had a cold and was feeling very crummy.  It was a night shift so I got home at around 4am to discover that Josh had put away all of the christmas decor, including the tree, had cleaned the house, assembled the crib and cleared out the nursery of clutter that had accumulated over the holidays.  It was a delightful suprise and coupled with the baby shower that I had attended earlier in the day was a huge reminder about the changes that are mere weeks away.  It was lovely to sit  in the chair in the nursery and contemplated our son, our life together so far, and all the events, suprises, and challenges Josh and I have to look forward to as we embark on parenting.

I think deep down (and maybe not that deep) I can be a pretty cynical person. It’s only been a few weeks since my eyes have even started to open to the world that is baby products and I can already tell that if there is anything that might fuel my “cynical fires” this is one of them.

I’ve observed for a while that any of these big life moments such as weddings, graduations, and births all tend to be times where people are REALLY excited to sell you crap that they make you think you need. Can a bride and groom do without a $200 custom embroidered ring pillow? Probably. I totally understand from a first-hand perspective on why you’d always want to make sure that your children have the best possible advantages in life – but some of this is just nuts. Families have been raising children for thousands of years and many of these things were never around.

Physical Issues:

I haven’t been a Dad before, so I can only assume that the hunch I’ve been operating off of is correct – and that your primary responsibility as a parent is to look after the safety and well-being of your child. Basic stuff right? However, I don’t think helmets and knee-pads for toddlers to wear as they crawl around your house is within the normal “safety and well-being” category. They’ll probably do OK even if a few bumps or bruises occur.

Emotional Issues:

Lets say back 200 years ago the baby bottle was never invented, I could see how “Mr. Milker” the malebreastfeeding device (left) might make it into the first round of some dude’s brainstorming session. Sure, its the dark ages and it comes time for a man’s wife to go out of town leaving him and him alone to feed his newborn…what other ideas would he come up with? However – now that the bottle has been invented I think we should know better. Mr. Milker is weird on multiple levels. If you’re just into wearing strange things strapped to your back, the “Daddle” (Dad-Saddle) (right) is also available for a few years down the road.

Laziness Issues:

So lets say you have a baby, and maybe you don’t like spending that much time with your baby… Many evenings you leave your kid in their crib all night long while you drink Mojitos with your friends. Unfortunately every party needs a pooper and the baby might start crying and crying, and you have no idea how to make it stop. Thats where the $120 WhyCry Baby Crying Analyzer comes into play, there’s no need to know your own child when a computer will tell you what they need…

Over the top & spoiled:

Only evil/abusive parents would ever subject their children to anything that is even remotely unpleasant… That obviously includes a cold wet wipe to the ass, and luckily that problem has been fixed.. why not get a wet wipes warmer and ensure that you put your kids on a path that leads right into heated toilet seats later on in life.

These are just some of the more extreme versions, theres a lot more that fall in the middle and get on my nerves almost as much. We’ll just have to see what tune I’m singing one year from now.

-Josh